I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
