i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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