do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
