if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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