I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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