Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
