i will never coherently bang her
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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