I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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