You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it because I queefed?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
