what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
