i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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