You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
