and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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