I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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