can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
