oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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