I've blown a few things in my day
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
