just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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