You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
