Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
