At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
