if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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