look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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