Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You need a sexual gate keeper
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
