I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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