who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
