I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
