Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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