good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
