i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
