I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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