If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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