So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
