good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
