She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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