And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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