you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
