Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
