Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
