Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
