Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
