and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
