he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
