i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
