just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
