u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
