my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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