He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
