i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
