i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
