so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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