i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
