It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
